I am a sensationalist. Not in the traditional sense of the word, but rather as one who loves sensations.
Hot on the heels of a post entitled On Being A Weirdo I shall allow that as a child, I would lie on a raft tethered to the bottom of the pond in our back yard, waiting for the sunfish to school. Once a sufficient number of fish had gathered, I would jump smack into the middle of them, because I loved that feeling of having them shoot up my body.
And substances. The very thing that most people wish to avoid, I crave. When I was a teen, my stepbrother enlisted in the army and went through basic training. He later shared that the guys in his regiment would get drunk and then hang one foot out of bed so that it touched the floor in order to stop the spinning.
I love that feeling–spinning–as if someone has ahold of my ankles and is twirling me through space. Hardly a deterrent to over-imbibing. And anesthesia–man, I love going under.
For garden variety thrills I roll all the windows down and crank the air conditioner in my car–the combo of hot/cold/wind.
It all makes me wonder if some of us are just hard-wired this way. Without a doubt I am also an adrenalin freak—speed (going fast, not the drug) has enormous appeal.
I suppose this love of sensation informs me as an artist. And it has taught me much about control and the lack thereof. If one wants to get to that place of raw feeling, they have to be willing to let go. This is useful in certain endeavors like skiing. And sex. If you want an over the top orgasm, you’ve got to cede control.
This feels foreign, but really, there is nothing more natural. Our brains are capable of so much more when left to their own devices. And sometimes we need a little nudge to disinhibit. Alcohol, weed, and for the hardcore experience, hallucinogens.
It’s called tripping for a reason. And although it may sound terrifying to those who’ve not experienced it, it is not. Our brain is a remarkable and underutilized organ. It is hungry for stimulus.
So there you go. A little bit more about me and my personal experience with recreational drugs. When it came time to make a decision as to whether or not to enroll in a first in human trial, this was a decided advantage. I am not risk averse. Quite the opposite, actually.
You never know what is going to come in handy. 🙂
xo
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 