Tag Archives: life in a pandemic

Between the lines

Radiology reports have been seemingly impacted by the pandemic. Whereas they were once released as soon as I had a post scan consult, it now takes a week or more for them to pop up on Patient Gateway.

What my oncologists infer from my scans carries more weight, but nonetheless I like to read the reports.

Today the use of language struck me. Although this was describing my physical self, some of the same vocabulary is pertinent in an emotional sense.

From the troubling–degenerative changes and post traumatic deformity–to the potentially political: slightly shifted to the left. And then what is a negative when describing cancer–persistent–a positive in another context.

The conclusion is comforting however you view it: essentially stable.

And it’s accurate, as well. Neither great nor awful. Hanging out. Hanging in. Holding on.

Living and loving an imperfect life

As I zipped through my social media this morning, I noted that two friends were posting that they were either NED or cancer free.

Good for them I thought. And then I, little miss Never Been Ned, reflected yet again on what it’s like to live not without, but rather with cancer.

It’s ok. Sort of like living through a pandemic.

Once upon a time I wished fervently that bad things wouldn’t happen. But they did. Again and again.

Truthfully we’d all prefer to simply coast but if we can figure out a way to ride into a stiff wind, well, we’re golden.

At least that’s what I tell myself. It’s the same attitude that has me taking the stairs versus an escalator or elevator. Both will get me to the same destination but one has the added benefit of a workout.

Rather than avoiding challenges, I seek them. That is because I am truly invested in becoming better, tougher, stronger, smarter.

COVID-19 is testing us all. This is not the world we once knew. It’s difficult to embrace a concept like social isolation, but also necessary. Not just for our own sake, but for the greater good.

My heart grieves for those who have been taken by COVID or lost a loved one. There is no way to spin this into a positive for some.

But for those of us who are primarily inconvenienced–well–there is the opportunity for a lot of reflection and personal growth here. We can demonstrate that we care about others simply by wearing a mask in public. And by shifting our focus to the small (and yet grand) things.

Like waking up in the morning.


How we spend

Time is both my most precious commodity and a limited resource.

I value every moment, and whenever possible, I tend to spend it wisely.

Except yesterday. The best thing I did yesterday was to make my evening meal the day before.

Yup. I wasted the whole bloody day. Front to end, top to bottom. Watched some Netflix, napped, had an edible for lunch and then another nap followed by more Netflix.

I also walked the dog three times, took out the trash, showered, and did one load of laundry. But that was the sum total of my accomplishments.

Dinner was washed down with a beer followed by two cold drinks (watermelon, ice cubes and vodka in the blender–heavy on the melon, light on the alcohol). In bed by 8 pm.

When I got up this morning I saw the text message my son August had sent at 9 pm. ‘How’s the writing going?’. Well, not. I was busy sleeping off my own little version of a stay-cay.

There is something perversely satisfying about spending what you do not actually have. Just ask my credit card 😉 Seriously though—the idea that I had as much time to waste as the next person and therefore could be totally unproductive for an entire day even without the excuse of feeling poorly. I kinda loved it.

But that was yesterday. Today I am determined to make up for at least some of the slack I created yesterday.

Starting with this blog.