Ok but not

I will be ok.

But not today. Today I am taking a break from everything’s fine. Because I truly am not. Not ok with split fingertips, pustular acne, bowels that are hopelessly confused by the addition of iron.

Nausea, which has me running for a bowl at least once a week. Mouth sores. Blisters on my eyeballs, which admittedly I didn’t even know were there until my retinal exam on Thursday and yet are serious enough that I’m out of another treatment option.

That. Another dead end.

But really, did I want to continue with all these troublesome side effects? In my heart of hearts, I did not. But I also preferred the idea of me being the one to initiate the break up.

However, I am looking forward to smooth skin, hands that don’t hurt, my tongue and gums not riddled with sores. And eyes that keep on seeing–that one is very important.

I received my second COVID vaccine several hours ago–something I am so very grateful for. As I developed a low grade fever after the first one I imagine I’ll be laying low tomorrow.

And then on Monday, a trip to Boston and some interesting discussion as to what happens next.

5 responses to “Ok but not

  1. Our Linnea,

    I can’t imagine your disappointment. Your side effects sound awful. You may get tired of hearing this, but it is so true….. You are a warrior. Warriors need down time to heal. Praying for whatever you
    Need, to be taken care of. ❤️

  2. The very first thing that came to my mind was “Right On!”, cliche and all…✊🏽❤️

  3. I don’t know what it is like to stand in your shoes. To many of us you are Superwoman for what you have endured with cancer treatments. You have brought people together in a dismal situation. People that can show compassion, love, support & empathy. You have given so many faith, hope, courage & love. And for this I thank you. I love you Linnea

  4. I guess you probably are aware and it’s just a shot in the dark, but significant eye complications have been reported after some of the covid jabs (with some even going blind), so maybe worth checking out if the eye issue could be, at least partially, related to that?

  5. I’m a quiet reader of your blog. I have stage four lung cancer, live in Massachusetts. I’m worried about you right now—you don’t owe me a single word but I wanted you to know I’m sending prayers for healing and light.

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