Never has there been a year that I have been so eager to put behind me. And yes, isn’t it ironic as hell that an apt aphorism was already in existence (well, with some about-face revision).
Man oh man oh man. I mean, you can’t make this shit up.
Again, so very ironic–I don’t suppose I have ever experienced this much personal growth. To be perfectly clear, I am not in the whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger camp. That particular aphorism was clearly coined by someone who had no idea what the fuck they were talking about. Bad stuff is never justified. Nope. I think we can all agree that it would be far better if it never happened in the first place.
The fact that some people are able to find the silver lining, well…bravo. But, and trust me on this, there is an easier path to redemption. One which takes no pride in consolation prizes like tenacity.
My personal growth owes nothing to how universally shitty this year has been and everything to the fact that all this alone time has imposed self reflection. A hell of a lot, actually. Never, ever, have I kept my own company and just my own company for such an extended period. Very little in the way of diversion. One good, long don’t-even-think-of-looking-away glance in the mirror.
I see you, self. And yeah, there’s some quality stuff there. But also a whole lot of room for improvement.
There is something bracing about such a realization. Not too dissimilar from the sensation one gets upon opening the front door in the midst of a nor’easter. Blown away. But also refreshed. Open to new possibilities.
2021–I’m ready.
xo
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 