Daily Archives: December 7, 2020

Man oh man

It’s probably a good thing I went public with my ode to healthy living or I might be on my way to the liquor store right now.

There is a back up though–weed. I don’t crave it daily so it’s a good alternative. And goddamn I need something to take the edge off.

Those cuts on my fingertips? Magically multiplied. I really wanted to go to the studio today but my hands are in no shape for painting. My skin is breaking out and now my mucous membranes are taking up the chorus. My tongue and gums are lined with sores and my GI tract is none too happy either.

However (and this is pretty flipping important), the past few nights my chest has been quiet. It’s a little too early to call this a trend, but I am so very hopeful.

In the meantime, I’m going to fetch one of my friend Marc’s brownies from the freezer. Blow a kiss to the beautiful flowers from the mystery sender on the way. Slather on some aquaphor while I await the bag balm and white cotton gloves that Nancy just ordered for me.

And keep my fingers crossed that this particular flavor of suffering is not for naught.

Yes to no

This has been a year of reckoning.

Minus the diversions of either travel or the company of others, I’ve been left to my own devices. On the one hand, I’ve gotten back to being a practicing artist. This is a source of both pride and pleasure, as my relationship with art has not always been an easy one. For reasons I will never quite understand (but which are now moot), it has often been necessary to drag my ass to the easel. Now–at last–I can honestly say that I look forward to painting.

I have been diligent about writing as well, although I will not be content until I am at work on not just my blog but a manuscript. Plans–big plans!

However, there are other things I have frankly let go to seed. I am out of shape, eating like shit, and have been far too licentious with the alcohol.

Last night I awakened a little after midnight and had a little chat with myself. About ownership, and control–self control. A conversation that was deeply personal with fingers pointed firmly at self. But it wasn’t at all uncomfortable as it was entirely candid and came from a place of love and caring.

Fortunately I drank the rest of the vodka yesterday (always planning ahead). I will not buy more. I love the taste of alcohol and the feeling of being buzzed. But I love it a little too much.

So, no more drinking solo. Which means, for the most part, no more drinking–since I’m almost always alone now. And as one good lifestyle change leads naturally to another (and another), I shall be placing an emphasis once again on eating well and exercise.

This should be an interesting challenge–as I shall be accountable only to myself. That’s a lot of pressure, actually. But I also know that I own this.

Me, myself and a healthier I.