Oh joy

Fortunately not all days end the way they began.

I had to get labs drawn this morning–in order to ascertain whether or not my CPK (creatine kinase) was back in standard range. Evidently it is still elevated, but closer to normal (current value: 260). I will find out tomorrow whether or not I shall be permitted to go back on trial–at a lower dose of binimetinib.

So, wait and see. However, in the meantime I have something entirely positive to announce.

As I was driving to the lab, I realized I felt different; sort of as if the sun was shining in my head. I recognized this feeling as a state of mind also known as happiness.

It has now been a month since I had my last infusion of the previous trial drug. Although washout is technically a much shorter period of time, the impact DS-1062a had on my body and, more specifically, my brain chemistry, has now come to an end.

You won’t find depression listed as a side effect but DS-1062a had a profoundly negative effect on my mood. I mean, yes, I have terminal cancer and yes, we have all been dealing with the worry and isolation secondary to a pandemic, but never in my life have I felt as sad as I did earlier this year. Initially we doubled up on my dose of prozac but when that didn’t help, mirtazapine was added. This got me through (I had been experiencing suicidal ideation) but my mood essentially stayed flat.

What I experienced this morning was joy. My natural default.

Welcome back sunshine. You were surely missed.

xo