Or how to be up when you’re down. A palindrome of a concept, if you will. Sort of like the joke Jem and Aug made up when they were wee: ‘Why did nothing cross the road? Because nothing wanted to.’
If you follow. The yes and the no and the can and the can’t all at once.
The living while dying, which we all must do but some of us faster than others. The slippery slope.
It is easier to stay on the upside when one is feeling well. And safe. And cared for. Currently I am struggling with all three. Oh to have a fire to light, a bathtub to crawl into, a partner to bring me a cup of tea.
These are flights of fantasy, and hardly top shelf. When I can muster the energy, instead I imagine lying on a deck chair somewhere. Warm breeze in my hair, cold drink in my hand.
And yet I remain the master of ‘it could be worse.’ Last week my therapist countered with ‘but yes, it could also be better.’
It will be. It must be. And I am the one who will make it so.
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 