I’m drinking a root beer at 9:30 in the morning. Sort of a blueprint for this day.
Last night I skipped dinner but I did enjoy a bottle of rosé. The entire bottle.
Blame it on I was really thirsty but not at all hungry. That and feeling immoderate; wildly so. Caution to the wind.
So there was that.
I’d like to say I woke up refreshed and ready to seize the day. Not so much. But this hangover is not alcohol related.
I’m just tired of having cancer.
Tired of chemo and its attendant side effects. Tired of being broke. Weary of a future that is full of question marks. Burnt out on being a good sport.
If life was a movie this is where I’d turn to the director and say ‘Hey. I’ve been showing up on this set for fifteen years now. My role is a shitty one but I’ve been giving it my all. Day in and day out. Even doing my own stunts. But you know what? I need a break. Find yourself another supporting actor.’
And then I’d head to the nearest pool. Order a cold drink with a paper umbrella, while I read scripts with happily ever after endings and worked on my tan. In between calls from my agent I’d be talking to my financial advisor, planning my retirement.
Yeah.
In reality I’m going to mix up a nice glass of amino acid to deal with mucositis, ignore my burgeoning debt, schedule a new therapy appointment, plan on scans again in two weeks and chemo in three.
Whine. I shall also whine.
The privilege is mine. All mine.
xo
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 
Linnea.
I read your posts and you make my heart ache. I’m not 100% sure that you realise how important you are to the ALK community. We all love, respect and admire you. You have more balls than anyone I have ever known. I do the euromillions lottery twice a week in England, every week, in the hope that I can give my family a better life. I consider you to be my family now and I want to take away your financial burden more than anything. You have so much going on in your tough fight. Money should not even be a second thought. One day my lovely, i wish with all my heart that I could make it a little easier for you. I’m trying 😍
That is so kind. I should do the same!
Oh, you are not whining. You are sick of it. And you know that there is no supporting Linnea, no big bucks arriving soon, and that you will do today even so. So, let it out. We can take it. We can identify a bit. I think it is good for all of us to greet your deep hurt. XXOO Nancy
Sent from my iPad
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This is all of course totally understandable and brings in focus the things I complain about in my life that are miniscule in comparison. I now everything is relative but you go way over that!✊🏽❤️
I hear you. And I’m only just shy of 2 years dealing with this!
Whine away kid you certainly have earned it! Hope you have an ok day and tomorrow is better 💖
Linnea, I, too, am tired of cancer. I, too, am tired of a future of question marks and I too need a break but I, we, go on. Guess I am a whiner right now but hey, I get tired of saying, “I’m o.k.” because I’m not o.k., I have CANCER.Your fellow whinner,Linda CunhaSent from my Galaxy Tab A
Rough. I know. Hang in there. 🌞