Virtual blues

Struggling a little with this one today. Truth is, virtual never really appealed to me.

Nope. Kinda all about keeping it real. And now I’m living in a time where that is simply not possible.

However, I also feel it’s imperative to get with the program if one wants to stay on track. And I do, I really do.

Therefore I’ve been trying to find a rhythm in this strange, new world. For me that looks like more sleep, too much alcohol (as much out of boredom as anything else) and a certain malaise of spirit. Those are the negatives. But, because I am determined to also make the best of this, I am getting to the studio almost every single fucking day. And I’m still walking up the five flights of stairs. In fact, I almost look forward to it–those stairs. They represent some sort of accomplishment of will. Evidence that even given my transgressions (sleep, alcohol, too much time on the internet) I am still committed to becoming stronger, better, more determined.

I am. But as 2020 has all the structure of a house dress, that isn’t easy.

Thank whomever one thanks if an atheist that I have a dog. Kumo keeps me on some sort of schedule. He will be walked three times a day, whether or not I feel like it.

And I am doing a damn fine job of feeding myself, credit to Blue Apron.

But it would feel so incredibly nice to hug someone. There is nothing virtual about touch.

Nothing. In the bigger picture this is a positive. I mean, how sad would it be if human contact could be replaced by something virtual.

So so sad. And therefore I shall wait. Until that moment when we can take off our masks and get real, really real, yet again.

xo

3 responses to “Virtual blues

  1. Kristen Aliotti

    I haven’t been commenting as much (as I’m not as interesting or glib and creative as you are) but I have been reading each and every post. So know that many of us – including me, Kristen, who found you when you were writing about MARFA! – are thinking of you, and appreciating your great philosophizing! You job my mind. Feeling that malaise – but also recognizing my privilege (retired, social security, small pension, grandchildren in good hands of their good parents) so I do NOT COMPLAIN. I do mourn – a bit sometimes a lot – the olden days of hugs and seeing smiles (instead of masks!) Anyway, keep on walking those flights of stairs, and walking the dog, and taking good care of yourself – and your readers. xoxoxo

  2. Looking forward to hugging my children, grandchildren and friends! It can’t come soon enough.

  3. I can not stand this whole virtual thing, but I am one that will email my doctor instead of calling. I will text people rather than calling. I miss seeing people’s expressions. Some I can pick up through their eyes, but others are just empty. I can’t wait to be able to go places and not scream to whomever I’m with or to waiters/waitresses. I can’t wait to chew on my fingernails again. I can’t wait to hug my parents again (they live in Florida, so I would have to be there for two weeks isolating). This is not my idea of living my life with Stage 4 cancer. I feel your pain.

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