All in a days/daze

There are, no small surprise here, aspects of my life that are fucking ridiculous.

Take this week. I had a CT scan yesterday, an echocardiogram today, a physical tomorrow and infusion on Thursday. When I say cancer is my day job there is no irony. Well, except for the fact that I ONLY WORK FOR FREE.

I am trying to change that. In fact, I have an interview after my physical with a freelance reporter per compensation for clinical trial participants. This is a subject near and dear to my (poor) heart.

Today included a big fat emotional kick to the head. One of my closest friends has a brain met. Sucks, that, although she is bearing up under this news admirably.

Me, not so much. I stopped at Whole Foods on the way home from my echo. I purchased some essentials (sushi, wine, chocolate). I am working my way through these purchases while watching a Korean Zombie Flick (Kingdom). Sometimes a girl just has to dial out.

I can also share that I had my first (virtual) session of trauma therapy today. Less a conversation than an emotional vomit. The take away is that there is no shortage of material.

Amidst all this I feel so lucky to be alive. Even given that these are hard, strange, occasionally incomprehensible times.

My natural instinct is to lean into hardcore survival. No matter how tough. No matter how trying.

I am a stayer.