Could this be….MOJO?

Still dealing with those darn mouth sores and the radiologist’s interpretation of my latest scan would seem to indicate stability (not the word used—rather ‘unchanged’). This is going to be a tough call–glad I have another week to heal and ponder whether I shall go for another infusion.

My date was fun and fine. Hard to say if there will be a second. Truth is, my cancer is easier for others to accept when I don’t look or act like I have cancer. The empirical evidence is that I have been ghosted (for those not privy to the parlance of online dating—when communication stops abruptly) on a rather frequent basis lately after talking and meeting both–and that did not happen previously. Bit of a hit to my ego but I am also a realist—I do get it.

However, (and this is important) I think I am falling in love with my own life again.

Yup. I now feel as if I walked through some deep and depressing valley for weeks on end. No fun, that, However, I also understood that the deprivation of human contact combined with extreme discomfort might allow for some personal growth. Sort of a back to the basics deep soul search.

I have been learning a lot about myself in isolation. Not all pretty but again, that is where I have the most potential for needed improvement. Facing my demons sort of thing. Depression, procrastination, a tendency to burrow in rather than reaching out. I am working on all of this. Slowly, but surely.

When I got up this morning I felt something akin to motivation. It’s been a long time. Rather than heading back to bed, I have been getting things done. Writing, paying bills, talking to a reporter. Not bad for one morning. This afternoon I am heading to my studio. On Sunday my friend Jim and my son Peter are going to assist me in clearing out a storage unit with the rest of my art stuff. By next week I hope to have a regular schedule established—writing in the morning, art in the afternoon. Oh yeah, and it’s time to start exercising again as well.

The pandemic has imposed limitations but I am figuring out a way to work within them. My next goal is to reestablish a relationship with my old friends Hope and Joy.

xo

9 responses to “Could this be….MOJO?

  1. Wahoo! Go Linnea!

  2. All of this post is extremely encouraging Linnea, keep doing it all as I know it’s important for you!✊🏼❤️

  3. Yes!!! Your words fit me, except my situation is aging and living alone in this quarantine without being able to go to concerts, church , choir, meetings, and especially seeing my children and grandchildren in person. So, if you can get back into a mode of motivation, maybe I can too! See – you’ve already done a good deed for me today! Thanks.

  4. Your posts are specific to you yet universal. I deal with depression, anxiety and need structure in my life to get me up and out of the house (retired). I am a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) and other town activities but staying home has made me a sloth. I find myself taking naps, watching tv and putting off what I need to be doing. I had a busy life working in NYC. Retirement days can be long with lots of chores too. So although I don’t have cancer, I can relate to some of your struggles. And the constant reminder that my age group has a high mortality with Covid 19 lurks in the background. Some days I have mojo and some days I yawn a lot.
    Your results sound promising. I hope you decide to go forward with treatment.

  5. Great to read that Linnea – Would love to see what art you produce to reflect these times – Was just talking to my wife about doing some painting (won’t be showing it though) – Am happy to see you ‘getting up’ AGAIN and AGain and again – Well done you xx

  6. Marie Hazelton

    Motivation, always good to hear 💖

  7. This post gives me hope and joy!!

  8. This makes me smile! You are doing amazing things.

  9. I’d love to see some of the art birthed from these times. 🙂

    On Thu, May 21, 2020 at 12:39 PM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:

    > linnea11 posted: ” Still dealing with those darn mouth sores and the > radiologist’s interpretation of my latest scan would seem to indicate > stability (not the word used—rather ‘unchanged’). This is going to be a > tough call–glad I have another week to heal and ponder whet” >

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