Still dealing with those darn mouth sores and the radiologist’s interpretation of my latest scan would seem to indicate stability (not the word used—rather ‘unchanged’). This is going to be a tough call–glad I have another week to heal and ponder whether I shall go for another infusion.
My date was fun and fine. Hard to say if there will be a second. Truth is, my cancer is easier for others to accept when I don’t look or act like I have cancer. The empirical evidence is that I have been ghosted (for those not privy to the parlance of online dating—when communication stops abruptly) on a rather frequent basis lately after talking and meeting both–and that did not happen previously. Bit of a hit to my ego but I am also a realist—I do get it.
However, (and this is important) I think I am falling in love with my own life again.
Yup. I now feel as if I walked through some deep and depressing valley for weeks on end. No fun, that, However, I also understood that the deprivation of human contact combined with extreme discomfort might allow for some personal growth. Sort of a back to the basics deep soul search.
I have been learning a lot about myself in isolation. Not all pretty but again, that is where I have the most potential for needed improvement. Facing my demons sort of thing. Depression, procrastination, a tendency to burrow in rather than reaching out. I am working on all of this. Slowly, but surely.
When I got up this morning I felt something akin to motivation. It’s been a long time. Rather than heading back to bed, I have been getting things done. Writing, paying bills, talking to a reporter. Not bad for one morning. This afternoon I am heading to my studio. On Sunday my friend Jim and my son Peter are going to assist me in clearing out a storage unit with the rest of my art stuff. By next week I hope to have a regular schedule established—writing in the morning, art in the afternoon. Oh yeah, and it’s time to start exercising again as well.
The pandemic has imposed limitations but I am figuring out a way to work within them. My next goal is to reestablish a relationship with my old friends Hope and Joy.
xo
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 
Wahoo! Go Linnea!
All of this post is extremely encouraging Linnea, keep doing it all as I know it’s important for you!✊🏼❤️
Yes!!! Your words fit me, except my situation is aging and living alone in this quarantine without being able to go to concerts, church , choir, meetings, and especially seeing my children and grandchildren in person. So, if you can get back into a mode of motivation, maybe I can too! See – you’ve already done a good deed for me today! Thanks.
Your posts are specific to you yet universal. I deal with depression, anxiety and need structure in my life to get me up and out of the house (retired). I am a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) and other town activities but staying home has made me a sloth. I find myself taking naps, watching tv and putting off what I need to be doing. I had a busy life working in NYC. Retirement days can be long with lots of chores too. So although I don’t have cancer, I can relate to some of your struggles. And the constant reminder that my age group has a high mortality with Covid 19 lurks in the background. Some days I have mojo and some days I yawn a lot.
Your results sound promising. I hope you decide to go forward with treatment.
Great to read that Linnea – Would love to see what art you produce to reflect these times – Was just talking to my wife about doing some painting (won’t be showing it though) – Am happy to see you ‘getting up’ AGAIN and AGain and again – Well done you xx
Motivation, always good to hear 💖
This post gives me hope and joy!!
This makes me smile! You are doing amazing things.
I’d love to see some of the art birthed from these times. 🙂
On Thu, May 21, 2020 at 12:39 PM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:
> linnea11 posted: ” Still dealing with those darn mouth sores and the > radiologist’s interpretation of my latest scan would seem to indicate > stability (not the word used—rather ‘unchanged’). This is going to be a > tough call–glad I have another week to heal and ponder whet” >