Vulnerable. And not liking it one bit.
Kind of a perfect storm, this COVID-19 coming at the same time I’m getting infusions. Age 60, compromised lung and immune function, in treatment. Damn.
And I have been uncharacteristically depressed. Obviously some of it could be situational but I’ve been through many a storm and always managed to keep my head above water.
I’m super fatigued and those mouth sores are flaring up again, but hey, my breathing continues to improve. That alone should be cause for good cheer. So what gives?
I finally contacted Dr. Lin today to inquire if there was any possibility that mood dissonance could be a side effect of DS1062-a. Unlikely, as it is not known to impact cognition. However, she did have a thought. I have been pre-dosing with mega quantities of steroids. Maybe, just maybe, this black mood of mine is related to that roller coaster effect.
Next go around we will see if we can skip the mid infusion dose and after that, maybe back off on the steroids just prior to infusion as well.
I miss happy me. I need happy me to get through this challenging time.
Sadness, begone.
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 
Went to see the musical Carousel (Rodgers and Hammerstein) this weekend. It has the song in it:
“You’ll never walk alone” with words starting out …’When you walk through a storm, Hold your head up high, And don’t be afraid of the dark…’ Always loved that song, even though it’s pretty old!
Thinking of you – hang in there!
I hear you. Similar here. Coronavirus cases just a few miles away and warnings for people with preexisting lung conditions. Stores running out of stock-up supplies like Costco paper towels. A neighbor getting lazy about keeping their aggressive dogs on-leash and cleaning up their poop. Side effects bad and sometimes incapacitating (but with progression, too).
Yet I don’t know why it doesn’t get me down. Maybe I’m too busy focusing on favorite distractions. Maybe I’m too good at putting blinders on and ignoring bad things once they become routine, and when they are too bad I guess I’m myopically focused on just bearing through it to a better day. Or maybe my adorable dog won’t let me dwell very long. I hope you soon find whatever it is that helps you cope.
Sometimes in the thick of it, I give myself a five minute vacation from worry and darkness. Hugs to you Linnea ❤️
On Mon, Mar 9, 2020 at 4:40 PM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:
> linnea11 posted: ” Vulnerable. And not liking it one bit. Kind of a > perfect storm, this COVID-19 coming at the same time I’m getting infusions. > Age 60, compromised lung and immune function, in treatment. Damn. And I > have been uncharacteristically depressed. Obviously” >
Hi Linnea, I am following your journey from afar, along with my friend Karen and my mom Patti, both lung cancer survivors. We want to reach out to provide you with some comfort and support. Would that be okay? Sending you the strength to hold on as your sunshiny spirit revives!❤️
Linnea,
I fully believe it’s the steroids!! They made me so depressed and anxiety ridden! Yes, you need them, however, if you can back away from them for your next infusions, I hope you will feel less depressed. They, steroids are very mind altering with mood as two of my doctors acknowledged to me.
Sending you all my love.
Linda
Thank you so much for putting You out here where we can hug it. From a safe distance – but as close as blogging gets.
We hear you.
“Happy You” is in there I know it!! Hopefully you’ll be able to come here Friday and have some distracting Cheer!!👈🏼❤️✊🏼
Thank you for sharing. Thinking of you and getting the happy you back . 💕🙂
I’ve been following your blog for some time, but felt compelled to comment today. Your strength and love of life leaps from the page. Hang in there, I know you’ll find your mojo again soon!