Taking a breather from being brave

The last few days have been tough. I’ve now got ulcers all throughout my mouth and down my esophagus. My sinuses and ear canals hurt as well and it is my guess that anywhere I have a mucous membrane has been affected.

This has impacted both my appetite and my ability to eat. Basically I am getting down whatever I am able to and a case of powdered ensure arrived on my doorstep yesterday.

I had been told that hair loss was a possibility and three days ago it started coming out in handfuls. I’m rocking the plucked chicken look now and my follicles are all hyper sensitive. This afternoon Diane is taking me to a friend of hers for a buzz cut—somehow more dignified than heading to Super Cuts.

My usual joie de vivre and can do spirit has taken a (temporary) hit as well. I’ve spent a lot of time on the couch doing nothing, just literally riding this wave until it’s over; the wave being depression.

Even warriors have their down days–this shit gets old. On Thursday I will have my second infusion and have to hope that by pre-dosing with steroids and Benadryl we are able to avoid an infusion reaction. My team will be on high alert with epipens at the ready.

In the meantime I am trying both to be gentle with myself but also to push forward. Nobody said this would be easy. I just didn’t think it would be this hard.

But…(because I do like to end on a positive note) my breathing really is better. That is a wonderful thing and (if I believe my own pep talks) worth wading through. I can do this.

I can. And I will.

12 responses to “Taking a breather from being brave

  1. Linnea, You CAN and you WILL, sending as much energy as possible and my love!❤️✊🏼✊🏼

  2. You can bet there’s cheering coming from Nashua … so glad I subscribed. Thanks for keeping in touch, for keeping your web of support enrolled!

  3. You can! You will! Sorry this is such a tough road.

  4. Sending much love and boatloads of healing vibes…

  5. Linnea, sending you strength from Chicago💪❤️

  6. Karen Cunningham

    Linnea- Yes— even warriors have their down days. Allow yourself those with gentleness and understanding. And as for the rest of it —you can and you will. I am so sorry this part is so hard. It really stinks.
    Sending love.
    Karen❤️

  7. Marie Hazelton

    Warriors do have down days and that’s OK!
    Sending you a whole lotta love my birthday sister 💖

  8. You are just incredibly brave! Even the bravest need a break.
    And yes, you can!

  9. Yes you can, you are doing all the right things.

    Sent from Dawn Horner’s iPhone

    >

  10. You are doing it! With every step and every breath every word you write. We love you Linnea.

  11. This blog should be a book.

    On Mon, Mar 2, 2020 at 9:06 AM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:

    > linnea11 posted: ” The last few days have been tough. I’ve now got ulcers > all throughout my mouth and down my esophagus. My sinuses and ear canals > hurt as well and it is my guess that anywhere I have a mucous membrane has > been affected. This has impacted both my appeti” >

  12. Your story and your strength continue to inspire me. You are in my prayers.

    -Kelly from January GE class

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