Scaling

I have hit the wall that is week two. Massive fatigue. Rheumy eyes. Gums that weep, a mouth that feels like sandpaper. Nosebleeds.

Loose of bowel, I’ve lost five pounds. Neuropathy is both afoot and at hand.

Numb and bloody. Edges and corners raw. But alive.

Alive, alive, alive.

And happy about it.

I had the thought that this is what cancer reduces existence to. Gratitude even in misery. But then I rethought that thought. And this time it came out this is what cancer elevates existence to.

How fucking fantastic is that. This, my friends, is unconditional love. Life, so treasured, that even when it’s all a bit raggedy it remains sought after. Beloved. Adored. Precious.

Something worth fighting for.

xo

10 responses to “Scaling

  1. Your words are so alive.

    On Fri, Dec 13, 2019 at 8:43 PM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:

    > linnea11 posted: ” I have hit the wall that is week two. Massive fatigue. > Rheumy eyes. Gums that weep, a mouth that feels like sandpaper. Nosebleeds. > Loose of bowel, I’ve lost five pounds. Neuropathy is both afoot and at > hand. Numb and bloody. Edges and corners raw.” >

  2. Keep fighting Linnea. We’re with you ❤️❤️

  3. Love you sooooooo much!!!!! Wrapping arms around you and sending you so much love!!!!!!

  4. Yes, Life, Your share of it, is scrappy, edgy, tricky, and Strong!👈🏼❤️✊🏼

  5. You are certainly the toughest individual I know, Linnea. I stand in awe of your grit and your poetry.

  6. I stand in awe of your grit also and your spirit Linnea – ‘And this time it came out this is what cancer elevates existence to.’ – Those are very wise words. A very ‘taichi’ish manner of seeing and – Poetry and Philosophy. You do portray Chemo (+) vividly, oh so vivid …. and all for the treasure of living –
    Best of luck as always
    xx

  7. Thank you for the update. I was wondering how you were feeling. You are so spiritually strong Linnea. You give us all hope. ❤️

  8. That you can be so slammed by week two, yet still so full of fight is just plain inspiring. Love you for that, and for so much else.

  9. christopher estberg

    Been quietly reading your blogs for years. Keep kicking ass! We need great artists like yourself🙂!

  10. There is always, (at least); two ways of looking at things. You never fail to see the positive! Even when you are down; you are never out. And historically your subsequent post comes back with a 180 remark, that never fails to amaze me. I think of you and send you positive energy every day. I know how hard it is to stay forward thinking. I remember well, how it was with Peter. He rarely freaked out. He stayed calm and resolved; . . . right to the end. ❤️

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