The struggle is real

Just breathe.

If only it were so simple.

When I’m not coughing I’m wheezing. My left lung is getting boggier by the day.

It sucks, this downward spiral. Been here, done this, doing it yet again.

I mean, I’m tough but this is fucking demoralizing.

There, I’ve said it. Allowed that this shit gets me down. That not falling into despair as I hang on until the next clinical trial that may or may not work takes enormous will power. At times I feel like I’m running on sheer survival instinct. I want to live.

Just live.

19 responses to “The struggle is real

  1. janheintzmanlindsay

    Sending you all our love and courage, Linnea.

    All of it.

    Jan and Andy

    On Tue, Oct 15, 2019 at 5:14 PM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:

    > linnea11 posted: ” Just breathe. If only it were so simple. When I’m not > coughing I’m wheezing. My left lung is getting boggier by the day. It > sucks, this downward spiral. Been here, done this, doing it yet again. I > mean, I’m tough but this is fucking d” >

  2. Oh, Linnea,
    I’m so sorry. Sending you love and hope for strength. My mom, a Holocaust survivor, did somewhat the same. One day at a time, one breath at a time when she was old and on oxygen. Hoping it eases. You are such an awesome woman.

  3. Hold on! Thinking of you.

  4. You are my Hero. Please stay strong.

  5. Hang on! Sending positive thoughts and good vibrations. You can do this.

  6. You’re an Inspiration to so many! Sending you all the best and with hopes that you get a clinical trial post haste.

  7. I have no words to express…You are definitely entitled to express how this shit brings you down. … But wanted to say, I am so grateful for YOU Linnea, What you do every day. I know you know Courtney, and you give so much inspiration and strength … she has a sister who is fighting a substance use disorder. So when I read, (which I do read all your posts) … I just wanted to let you know, it helps those fighting this horrific disease of cancer, AND all those fighting other challenges.
    And I love TED talks! Looking forward to seeing yours.
    So Grateful,
    Pamela

  8. I have no words to express…You are definitely entitled to express how this shit brings you down. … But wanted to say, I am so grateful for YOU Linnea, What you do every day. I know you know Courtney, and you give so much inspiration and strength … she has a sister who is fighting a substance use disorder. So when I read, (which I do read all your posts) … I just wanted to let you know, it helps those fighting this horrific disease of cancer, AND all those fighting other challenges.
    And I love TED talks! Looking forward to seeing yours.
    So Grateful,
    Pamela

  9. Colleen Broughton

    Gently hugging you, Linnea. 🌀💖

    On Tue, Oct 15, 2019 at 2:14 PM life and breath: outliving lung cancer wrote:

    > linnea11 posted: ” Just breathe. If only it were so simple. When I’m not > coughing I’m wheezing. My left lung is getting boggier by the day. It > sucks, this downward spiral. Been here, done this, doing it yet again. I > mean, I’m tough but this is fucking d” >

  10. Linnea, don’t forget, as I know you do not, that I and many others are here for you to rant at, I can take it. What you have been and are dealing with is far more than anything I have had to. I and all your friends are here, never forget that!! ❤️✊🏼

  11. You’re totally allowed. I’m approaching 3 years living with this crap disease and it can be physically and mentally exhausting. History would dictate that your willpower and survival instincts are quite amazing Linnea. Wrapping you in a big hug and sending strength your way. xx

  12. Linnea,

    We are in this together, you took the words right out of my mouth. On our way to Seattle to get the CT, EKG, etc before starting a new trial Thursday. Had 15 brain lesions treated, then learned at my 6 week post treatment I have 5-10 more. Staying strong for the same reasons. I just want to live! Hoping your treatment knocks this out of the park!

    You are my inspiration.

    Dawn 🙂

    Sent from Dawn Horner’s iPhone

    >

  13. Just keep on “keeping on”! You have an Army if supporters behind you.

  14. So sorry you have to keep fighting this!

  15. Your raw emotion rings so true, Linnea. Just let me breathe. We have both been there. Thank you for continuing to be so honest and real. You speak for us all. Have you been able to find a clinical trial yet? We all love you! Remember this. ❤️

  16. Hi Linnea, Thank you for sharing your journey. I am sorry that you are in a hard spot right now. I am sending thoughts of strength and healing your way. I don’t know you but my mom Patti Helfand does and so does my friend Karen Cunningham. They told me about your blog. I myself joined the cancer ranks this year- breast cancer. Again, thank you for sharing your triumphs and frustrations. I am keeping you in my thoughts. Hedy

  17. Stay strong and stay positive…

  18. Christine Weissenberger

    I echo your sentiment Linnea, our cancer is similar but your fight is much tougher than mine. And the reason for that is that you did all those clinical trials that benefits us all…thank you for being a fighther and showing us how to go about it….if I can help in anyway I am only a 5 hours drive away 🙂
    Christine in Montreal.

  19. Love you very, very much and want you breathing. You are strong, but so allowed to say when this shit gets you down. Sending love and hugs

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