I have no fear of heights and I love to scale things. Trees in my youth, some rock climbing in my twenties, scaffolding and the coupling of freight trains in my fifties.
Well, it would seem I’ve circled back to trees and this time I am way out on a limb.
I had my routine scans last Friday. Afterward I texted Alice to let her know I was certain they would show progression, based on my physical symptoms. My scan review was to be this Thursday with my nurse practitioner rather than Alice and I wanted to make certain the two of them talked options prior to my visit.
After Alice had a chance to review my scans personally, I received a text from the Goddess herself. ‘Just wanted to chat. Thanks.’ Alice has been my oncologist for more than eleven years now. I can read between the lines with relative ease and I knew that if my assertion was incorrect–that my scans had in fact showed stability–a reassuring text would have sufficed.
I had a dry run for my panel yesterday morning and Alice was tied up in meetings so it would be quite a few more hours until we had a window in which to speak. Back in the day this would have undone me but years of living with this situation have lent me a certain calmness.
Our conversation was brief but confirmed that my scans do indeed show progression. Likely more troubling to Alice are my cough and the accompanying wheeze from my left lung.
My Thursday scan review has been moved to Friday, and I will meet with Alice rather than my nurse practitioner. We will discuss possible options as well as timing. It all feels a bit like firing a gun with an empty chamber.
And yet I know Alice will come up with something–likely combining lorlatinib with some other therapy. I will keep my ship pointed toward the shore. Hope is not cheap but I have made more out of less.