On being human

Twofer day as it turns out I have a lot to say and my dog Kumo’s not interested.

So. Online dating. In September it will be two years since I jumped into this arena. For the most part I have had a truly positive experience. Got badly burned once but after a little pause I got right back at it.

I have learned so very much about the human heart. Their’s and mine.

Along the way I have met a number of extraordinary men and women–I am gender agnostic ;). Some have remained friends and for this I am truly grateful. It makes it all feel more civilized somehow.

For the most part I have approached the dating game like a school yard. No standing on the sidelines–instead I’ve gone out and played with little concern about getting hurt. If someone was not that much fun or didn’t play nicely, I moved on.

Of course, I have come at this with a rather considerable disability. Telling people that ‘oh yeah, I have stage IV lung cancer’ has taken considerable courage and, with time, increasing finesse. I’ve learned how to spin it so that it sounds like a positive. However, I am only too aware that a terminal illness isn’t an advantage.

Online dating, under any circumstances, is not for the faint of heart. At times it resembles a contact sport. Yesterday I got knocked down hard. Maybe, just maybe, it had nothing to do with the fact that I have lung cancer. But I understand only too well that if it’s between me and someone who is hale and hearty, well, the choice may be only too obvious.

Today I am feeling both sad and a little bit bruised. In need of a hug. And validation. I recognize that it is not an easy choice–stepping into my life. But I am (and I have to believe this) absolutely worth it.


7 responses to “On being human

  1. Big, big hugs being sent your way! It’s easy to say “their loss” but truly, it is their loss. Onwards, Linnea! You’re exceptionally good at “onwards”. Again, big hugs.

  2. Stay with women, LOL!!

  3. Consider yourself hugged Linnea – Virtually anyway – I know it not the same – I know what needing a hug feels like – You have been writing some great blogs recently – Am enjoying and identifying with them – XXxx

  4. Diane Levesque Milley

    Linnea, I have never met you but do follow your blogs. Many times I feel like I am reading about myself! I have also been thru the dating scene with lung cancer and it is a tough game! If you ever want to walk the Winnekenni trails in Haverhill please give a shout out, I too have a little white dog.

  5. Mary wasserman

    Not just one, but many hugs, Linnea. For many reasons (only one of which is Alice).
    This installment made me sad, but I’m sure the next one will make me giggle and/or remind me what a hot, brave person you are. xo maryw

  6. A strong person is not afraid to love. A strong person is not afraid of death. You’re strong. They’re not. You have enough strength to carry yourself. You don’t need to be lugging around dead weight. Either you’ll find someone strong or you’ll do fine on your own. You’re an amazing person. Anyone who can’t see that is blind. ❤️

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