Twofer day as it turns out I have a lot to say and my dog Kumo’s not interested.
So. Online dating. In September it will be two years since I jumped into this arena. For the most part I have had a truly positive experience. Got badly burned once but after a little pause I got right back at it.
I have learned so very much about the human heart. Their’s and mine.
Along the way I have met a number of extraordinary men and women–I am gender agnostic ;). Some have remained friends and for this I am truly grateful. It makes it all feel more civilized somehow.
For the most part I have approached the dating game like a school yard. No standing on the sidelines–instead I’ve gone out and played with little concern about getting hurt. If someone was not that much fun or didn’t play nicely, I moved on.
Of course, I have come at this with a rather considerable disability. Telling people that ‘oh yeah, I have stage IV lung cancer’ has taken considerable courage and, with time, increasing finesse. I’ve learned how to spin it so that it sounds like a positive. However, I am only too aware that a terminal illness isn’t an advantage.
Online dating, under any circumstances, is not for the faint of heart. At times it resembles a contact sport. Yesterday I got knocked down hard. Maybe, just maybe, it had nothing to do with the fact that I have lung cancer. But I understand only too well that if it’s between me and someone who is hale and hearty, well, the choice may be only too obvious.
Today I am feeling both sad and a little bit bruised. In need of a hug. And validation. I recognize that it is not an easy choice–stepping into my life. But I am (and I have to believe this) absolutely worth it.