Getting knocked on my keister is a personal proclivity. Not by choice but rather situational in nature.
I just can’t seem to arrive at a place where life is smooth sailing. In fact, I think I ought to stop believing that I will. It’s disappointing. Reclining in a lounge chair on a beach somewhere with a cold drink in hand (garnished with some fruit and a paper umbrella please) is a go-to fantasy of mine. As in, I sure would rather be there rather than stretched out in a CT scanner, as I will be tomorrow morning.
In all honesty, getting scanned is not such a big deal. Been there, done that, will do it again. And again.
That is something I can count on. It’s the surprises that catch me off guard. Which is surprising, because those too are predictable. At the moment I’m dealing with a major inconvenience that has nothing to do with cancer. Although that isn’t quite accurate, as having cancer often complicates even seemingly simple situations. Plan a trip three months from now? Sure. Maybe.
When the shit hits the fan my emotions generally assume a fetal position. The old duck and crawl–right under the covers. However, the fact that I both live alone and own a dog keeps me honest. Six hours max and I must rise to the occasion.
Which is really very helpful. Sometimes you just have to go through the motions, with an emphasis on moving. Actionable. That’s a beautiful word, connoting possibilities. And although it is not probable, it is possible that both some sand and a long tall cold one are close at hand.
xo
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 
Uncertainly – Unpredcictability – More fucking scans ? – Go through the fucking motions – there is a lot more ……….. xxx
And good luck tomorrow xxx
Thank you. And about those fucking scans—I suppose it still beats the alternative. No more need for scans 😉
xo Linnea
I hope things settle down soon!
Thank you Steph!
xo Linnea
Wow! Can I relate to that! I’ve been waiting for that smooth sailing also & it’s not coming my way & yes, much not cancer related. But I find the “interference” we get from people & things around us that causes us so much annoyance is always a good distraction, so I don’t focus on my cancer.
“ Going through the motions” says it well! We finally sold our home after three years on the market. We have 60 days to leave & so overwhelmed. Almost 40 years of life to go through, donate & sell. Something I don’t want to spend time with because our time is so precious & limited. But this will in the end simplify my life & that’s the focus. The great news is that it’s going to the most beautiful family! Comfort in knowing they will have many happy times & memories there! ❤️
Jade, it is hard to see time sucked up by that which feels less than essential (in a bigger picture way). Hopefully there will be lots of happy memories for you as well as you go through things.
xo Linnea
Been following your blog for a year and
then
some.
Your words make me FEEL when often
I’m
numb.
So, thank you for that
with all of my heart,
a tip of my hat
t’your expressive word art!
Like you, I’m an ALK
trying to sort this thing out
So, no doubt
it’s about
time to give you
a shout.
I live up the coast
In Boothbay Harbor
with my wife, Beth, and dog
and sometimes our daughter.
Like you, I’m an artist.
It’s paintings I make.
Though, now is the hardest
since the cancer earthquake.
If you’re game for getting
together with us,
We’d love to have you up for a spell
for drinks on the rocks (literally)
with paper umbrellas.
Perhaps when it’s warmer
and gorgeous in Maine
you’ll join us in friendship.
What d’ya say?
On FB you’ll find a friend request
If you’d like to respond
it might be best
to use Messenger there
I hope you do
But, if not, that’s OK too.
Greg
Greg, I would be honored and delighted to join you and your family in Boothbay.
xo Linnea