The in between

Scans last Friday with a review tomorrow. No word on genetic testing which makes me think the final sample was also not viable. We’ll see how that CT scan looks.

In the meantime I feel a bit scooped out. Tired. Spent. Wanting so desperately to just skate along for a bit and not on this shitty thin ice.

My son August left this morning for a new life in Toledo. Proud, proud, proud of this kid who turned a hobby (cannabis) into a career. He will be the head extractor in a gleaming new lab where he will be highly compensated for the craft he’s been honing since…well, way too long.

Yep. Cannabis was a point of contention when Aug was a teen but we’ve all come a long way since then. August received a ton of assistance from his stepfather David throughout the entire application process and of course he’s been bunking with mom (me). In the end it felt rather like it did when his younger brother Peter was accepted to private school and later an elite college. That feeling of success all the way around.

I’m going to miss him mightily. His being here healed some old wounds and also returned me to a place where I felt part of a family. Cooking, watching TV, going to the gym together. Simple activities that are just not the same when done alone.

August and Peter have been my rocks during the past few months. I got really, really depressed and overwhelmed during the bedbug debacle and they were concerned as Aug was flying to Colorado over New Years and I would be alone. My sons had my friend Brian check in on me (dear, sweet Brian) and Aug sent me this text from the airport:

I love you mom. You’re tough as nails. It’s ok to have bad day but I know you’ll get through this.

I will. I always have. Sometimes in style, other times in tatters. A rip here, a tear there but holding it together.

C’est moi.