Believe it or not I harbored this little teeny tiny hope that my biopsy results would come back negative for cancer. That they would be positive for infection or some sort of mold or tuberculosis or aspirated noodle.
Hope is a glorious untamed thing that lives outside the boundaries of reason.
Reality is a bossy bitch that likes to play by the rules and this morning she told it to me straight.
POSITIVE FOR MALIGNANT CELLS.
Alright. Fair enough. I could dream but hey, this was the not-just-likely but assured outcome. However, the next part caught me up short as my histology has progressed as well: adenocarcinoma with acinar and micropapillary patterns and mucin.
That’s all I know thus far and it is information gleaned from Patient Gateway without the benefit of my dear oncologist’s insight. Therefore, I shall refrain from interpretation until we have had the chance to discuss.
Well, I had just finished reading the path report (followed, of course, by a little bit of panic inducing googling) when I opened an email from my landlord. There has been a bedbug situation in our building and the current ground zero is right next door. When first apprised of this state of affairs I was assured that exterminating my loft was an option but only if I was able to prep it first. Prepping included moving all furniture two feet from walls, washing all clothing/fabric items, removing all hanging pictures. Etc…etc…
This news put me into a bit of a tizzy. I have way too many books, lots of art, heavy antique furniture (I now feel anything bigger than a breadbox should be on wheels) and…my vintage clothing stock. In other words, NFW. So, instead, we installed a bedbug monitor/trap at the head of my bed. Once it gets dark, this little carbon dioxide operated monstrosity makes a loud clunk and flashes a red light every couple seconds. All night long.
Now I honestly believe I have PTSD associated with the 42 brain MRI’s that I’ve undergone. Any sort of loud, repetitive percussive noise sets me HIGHLY on edge. And when it’s right next to my head while I’m supposed to be sleeping? It’s been a rough couple of weeks.
However. The good news is no bed bugs have been caught and I have not lost my mind. The bad news is that the unit next to me is being exterminated again and my landlord feels it would be prudent to also treat my abutting wall. A wall that runs the length of my loft. A wall that has all my bookcases on it as well as a massive antique hutch chock full of stuff.
I don’t even know what to say. But I better get busy.