This life of mine

I woke up in a hotel bed in Vegas this morning. Work, not play as I am here on behalf of Pfizer to speak on a panel. However, any morning I can sleep in feels a lot like vacation.

The highs and the lows. I rode to the airport yesterday via Uber and I actually wasn’t quite sure I’d make it. My driver was a recent immigrant and possibly yet unfamiliar with the rules of the road. At least, that’s what I said to myself as he cut across four lanes to take an exit after veering off course for the second time. Fortunately the flight was uneventful and I was picked up by a shiny black SUV at the airport.

Poser. I didn’t actually drink/eat all of that πŸ˜‰

This is the third time I’ve travelled in the past month as a friend donated miles to get me to Louisville for the first annual ALKpositive summit. It was meaningful to meet many of my fellow mutants and their families and I had a blast. I flew from there to St. Louis—via Chicago, even though it would have been a two hour drive. Not my dime or my itinerary, but in the end, certainly my pleasure as I got to spend several days with members of my Fresh Chapter tribe in meetings at Eli Lilly (an important sponsor of A Fresh Chapter).

Hugging my man Scott after our interview.

We crammed a whole lot of connecting into a little less than three days but it felt as if we were just getting started. And as glad as we were to be together, each of us felt the absence of the other members of our tribe. By the time we reprised our group hug at the end, I was feeling mighty emotional. In the best of all possible ways. You just can’t go through an intense experience like volunteering in Peru without developing some extraordinary bonds.

All of this diversion has been a good thing as I’m having a moment.

Three months ago I took myself off of Prozac, the antidepressant I started taking not long after my diagnosis with lung cancer. Prozac is highly effective for me and I tolerate it well, although it is not without side effects, including reduced libido. On three occasions I have taken myself off of it and each time shit has hit the emotional fan. My experience this time was no different, as I was slammed with the double whammy of losing my insurance and a bad breakup.

My insurance was restored but my confidence, not so much. Although there is no question I am better off without the relationship, I am feeling wary–sort of a persistent, creeping anxiety. I am certain that shall soon pass and in the meantime I am healing my heart in the best way I know how; loving on my friends, my children, and my little white dog.

Oh yeah, and Prozac. As much as I like the idea of being off an antidepressant, I am better on. And better is definitely the look I’m going for πŸ˜‰

4 responses to “This life of mine

  1. Hi Linnea,
    I understand why you would be on Prozac. If I may…. Pristique, SP? does not zap libido, at least for me. You may look into that. I understand your loss
    and I know it must be tough. Remember, you are a shining jewel who deserves a strong intelligent man. Period. My question is ….when is your book being published? I am very serious, I will buy many many books. It’s OK to add on to whatever you publish now, at a later time! The world needs your experiences and profound view on your life experiences sooner than later. You have done so much for everyone. Thank you.

    • Pristique, eh? And thank you for the pep talk–much needed and appreciated. Working on that book—and thank you for the faith as well.

      xo Linnea

  2. Hi Linnea, Cudos to you! You have had a rough few months (well, decade & 1/2 actually!). It is so nice to see your pics in this post, looking so well, doing such good work and having some fun.
    I haven’t reached out lately. My husband Peter passed away on March 29th, so I’ve had a rough couple of months, myself! We met you once at 7B, waiting for Dr. Shaw. I was so excited. You’ve been so inspiring to Peter and I. Your posts kept me going (and still do) late at night when I couldn’t sleep and Peter was resting peacefully. Your ongoing survival was, (and is), like a trophy that I could look to and brag about; “if Linnea can do it, there’s no reason why Peter can’t.” You kept us hopeful and fighting. Thank you!

    At some point, when I’m ready, I would like to get involved with A Fresh Chapter. It sounds like a great way to give back. Peter had amazing care. Dr. Shaw & Dr. Lin were always there for Peter; and for me! I miss them terribly.

    • Jon, I am so sorry about Peter and I remember well meeting you both. I wish lung cancer was not such a vicious/unpredictable beast. When you are ready to be introduced to Fresh Chapter, let me know–it is a phenomenal organization. In the meantime, I wish you the very best.

      xo Linnea

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