Hard. In the last two weeks I’ve lost my keys, my boyfriend and my health insurance. I’m over the keys, although what a major pain in the ass. The end of my relationship, a little harder. I was having a really good time and just never saw this coming. We’d never quarreled or had a cross word but everything unraveled quite suddenly and in such a way that I felt rather like a bird who had flown into a window. Absolutely stunned. However, once I’d shaken my feathers, it was clear that I was better off flying solo. Today I availed myself of an unscheduled appointment with my social worker/therapist–just to check under the hood. It would seem I’m good to go but I think I’ll take a little breather before I try dating again.
But the health insurance, oh my. When I first realized I’d missed a payment I overrnighted my appeal. The post office confirmed that my missive had been delivered last Saturday but when I called WageWorks yesterday they had no record of having received it. And they told me that it would take seven to ten business days to decide my appeal and that the clock would not start ticking until they processed it. I faxed another copy of my appeal to them yesterday but realistically, I will not know until the end of the month whether or not my coverage under Cobra has been reinstated.
It sucks, really sucks, although I own this—it was definitely my mistake. My excuse (and yes, I used it) was that the therapy I am on has cognitive side effects. Sad but true. Anyone who knows me well is quite aware of how challenged I am when it comes to memory. I mean, I have a feeling I’m forgetting something but I can’t remember what (haha). The other night I ordered a pizza, gave them my phone number and then immediately asked if they wanted my phone number. Ten second lag there and it was gone.
This is problematic in a number of ways and as I consider my future I wonder if I will have to go back to work and if I do, how will I manage. It’s not that I’m not intelligent or capable of certain things but when your memory is an issue, it really throws a wrench into things. And in my own case, it might be more than a side effect of my current therapy. Dr. Shaw and I have discussed the possibility that some of my cognitive challenges may be a result of the number of therapies I have had, including two different platinum agents in chemotherapy. And there is no way to know yet if the Gadolinium deposition on my brain is symptomatic–just not enough data and in my case, too many confounding details.
So I muddle along. The good news is that I am less apt to dwell. The bad news is that it is both frustrating and frightening at times to not be able to recall things. Simple things like pushing a submit button, when paying for your health insurance online 😦