I had my CT scan and appointment with Dr. Shaw yesterday. As anticipated, the news is not particularly good. The radiology report reads: ‘A mixed attenuation lesion in the left lower lung zone now measures 8.4 cm, previously 6.9 cm. There are also increased small ground glass nodules adjacent to the lesion. The central solid portion of the lesion now measures 6.2 cm, previously 4.4 cm. A mixed attenuation lesion in the anterior right upper lobe now measures 1.4 cm, previously 1.4 cm. Another right upper lobe lesion now measures 7 mm, previously 4 mm. Inferior right upper lobe mixed attenuation nodule measures 1.5 cm, previously 1.2 cm—Interval increase in size of dominant mixed attenuation lesion in the left lower lung zone and some of the right upper lobe nodules consistent with worsening lung cancer.‘
Still, were I not symptomatic, Dr. Shaw would consider leaving me on Xalkori for a little longer. However, upon examination she noted how very wheezy I am and we both agreed that it is time to try something else.
Two weeks ago I realized (with no small degree of horror) that I had gotten mixed up on my medication and had been taking my Xalkori only once a day. At most I made this mistake for two or possibly three weeks but I was absolutely mortified when I reported my discovery to Alice (Dr. Shaw). Hopefully it had no major impact upon my response, as my symptoms had never abated. However, it is a potent reminder that I have been terribly distracted. As Alice remarked, I have a lot on my plate.
I am to start the new trial on the 13th of May. We have a scheduled mediation for our impending divorce on the 16th and my first impulse was to push back the trial date. Last night I did a lot of soul searching and realized that I need to get my priorities straight (the mediation can wait if necessary).
In addition to my own worries, Pete is experiencing some challenges (kid can’t get up in the morning) and I’ve been back and forth to Exeter a number of times. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I am setting my alarm for 7:20 every morning so that I can place a rise and shine call to my sleepy son. Yesterday I had to call repeatedly; today he picked up on the fourth ring.
I confess to feeling somewhat overwhelmed. However, my internal dialogue moves quickly from wallow to wonder; I am still here.
Live, love, life.
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 