…
I’ve got a lot of catching up to do and the longer I wait, the more daunting the task becomes. As my one and only resolution for this year is to not procrastinate (an utterly self defeating behavior), I best get started.
Oh, man. Where though, how? Maybe with the fact that my sister Binky pointed out to me that this is the first time in my entire life that I have lived alone. I’ve always had parents, brothers and sisters, roommates, partners or even my own small children as a hedge between me and loneliness. Now, it’s me, myself and I.
Fortunately, there have been only a handful of days where my newly solitary lifestyle has felt like a negative. For the most part, I am reveling in me-ness. But separating me from the mess; me-ness, messiness, has been quite the project.
You see, I love stuff. Books, beach glass, buttons (and that’s just some of the B’s). In my 54 years I’ve amassed a fair amount of treasure. Thank goodness I’ve moved into a space large enough to contain it all, but I also need to wrestle these stacks into submission. Go through it all, assess what I really want/need, and then find good homes for the rest.
A peaceful environment is enormously important to my sense of well-being. My life has been disordered for some months now, and some healthy routines have fallen by the wayside. Eating well, exercise (yoga!), catching up on email and yes, writing. However, I’ve got to stop using the chaos (however compelling) as an excuse.
It’s been far too long, and I apologize. To you, and to myself. This blog is enormously important to me, and the ability to maintain it a privilege that I never wish to take for granted. Me, myself and I; we are honored to be able to share our life with you. Even the messy parts.
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 
When my husband was diagnosed, we sold our family home of 24 years and moved into a teeny tiny townhouse. At first selling all of our furniture and then getting rid of possessions was heartbreaking, but once we were moved in, I found it quite freeing. I am learning to be alone too, but I find you so much stronger. Sending you lovelovelove, Deborah
Thank you Deborah. It is all a process (life), and I wish you peace and strength (and chances are, you are way stronger than you know).
Linnea
I feel honored that you continue to share your life with us. I have missed you!
Aw thanks. Now if I’d just get back to being a little less stingy/a little more regular posting….
Linnea
I stumbled across your blog when I was diagnosed with stage IV NSCLC in early December and also felt honored you shared your life with others. I gained a sense of peace and strength in reading past entries and am trying to better understand and acclimate to the new normal my life now is. I am glad to see you continue and I look forward to hearing more, even the messy parts!
So glad to see you back. Missed you! Much love and peace sent your way<3
Thanks Kandi. Baby steps as it were, but I am on my way back!
Linnea
I have missed you, Linnea, happy you checked in. I’m finding aloneness isn’t loneliness, I am more lonely in crowds. Bringing a certain amount of order to your home helps calm those feelings of chaos and doom, I find. I’ve made a few changes to our home, but still haven’t tackled sorting and removing Steve’s things. I just work around them as I have for 45 years! Stand Strong, Lady and keep in touch. Your groupies miss you 😉
Thanks Hedy. Loneliness hits me at unexpected moments. Sometimes when I am alone but also when I see a couple holding hands…I would imagine that just as I do, you stay grounded with the love of friends and family. But I would imagine there are moments when you can’t believe that Steve is gone.
Stay strong too, my friend!
Linnea
I always worry about your health when you don’t post Linnea. Happy to see you are posting again.
Beryl, I know it’s not fair to keep quiet and I too would worry (do, when friends in similar situations are uncharacteristically silent). My change in circumstance (on so many levels) has required a lot of adjustment. At times it has left me speechless. I hope to hold myself to a higher standard from here forward (and if the week remains relatively uneventful, it could just happen!).
Linnea
Glad you piped up, friend. I hope to hear more from your interesting brain when you are ready. Meanwhile, we got snow! I think you folks up north handle the concept with more panache.
Love you,
Joan
Joan, it comforts me greatly that you might find me interesting. Comforts me enough that it may just propel me back to writing. And I know I’ll like myself better if I get back on track…hope you and the pooch had fun romping in the white stuff…
xoLinnea
Linnea, I am so relieved that you are doing well. I am new to this thing called lung cancer, so I had been dredging the internet for any and all positive outcomes. In my searching and readings I stumbled upon your blog. Consider me a lurker (until right this moment), I would read your posts and the resulting comments and felt some comfort here. I have been checking to see if you had posted, there was nothing. (was empty here) I was nervous and scared because you seemed to be write frequently. By the way I must add you have taken away some of the fear, your humor and links to songs have brightened many a day!
Hope filled my heart one again when I saw you had posted.
Anyway there have been many major changes in your life, sorting through your things can be pleasurable, just take your time and reflect.
Thank you for your inspiration.
Laura
Laura, thanks for un-lurking and introducing yourself. I’m sorry you’ve had to research lung cancer—if you just pay attention to the statistics it can be quite frightening. However, part of the beauty of social media is the opportunity to connect with the real people and to realize that each of us is exceptional (not a statistic).
As for me, I have been uncharacteristically silent as I’ve been navigating major changes. I can’t say that it hasn’t been sort of fun at times (playing hooky). However, I’m done with all that; I miss my online ‘family’.
Linnea
Hi Linnea, just stopping by to check on you. You are in my prayers never ceasing.
Lovelovelove
Deborah
Deborah, I’m thinking it must be time for an update. Check in again later today or tomorrow…
xoLinnea