Some self reflection and personal transparency

Self portrait in the ladie's room at Western Avenue Studios

Self portrait in the ladie’s room at Western Avenue Studios

I am in the midst of another break from packing; making the rounds of my gracious friend’s homes (thank you, thank you, thank you all). This has been a time to visit but also to decompress—and I’ve done just that, taking two naps in one day.

Despite my upbeat and can do attitude (at least I think that’s the tone I’m setting), I will acknowledge that this may well be the most difficult task I’ve undertaken yet. Disassembling a marriage is complicated no matter the circumstances; getting divorced while also battling cancer is crazy hard.

I am, on so many levels, stepping out into the complete unknown now. It has been years since I have been gainfully employed and financially, I am a persona non grata. Had a good friend not offered to cosign, I would not have qualified for my lease. Losing my independence was never meant to be part of marriage and yet somehow I let that happen.

I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how anxious this all makes me, but I keep moving forward in the faith that better times are ahead. I am thankful for not only the support of friends and family but also the timing: were Peter not boarding, the separation of households would be so much more difficult. And as it turns out, I am glad I didn’t qualify for the PD-1 clinical trial and that by default, extended my break from treatment. Otherwise, I don’t believe I’d be able to manage, either physically or emotionally.

As it is, I am rather proud of what I have accomplished. It took some frenzied research (and a bit of luck) but my future home (and of course, Peter’s) really is promising. I just about nailed the amount of rent I felt I could afford and by relocating south will remain a reasonable distance from Peter’s school and yet move significantly closer to Boston and Mass General Hospital. The lofts have onsite laundry facilities, are close to a commuter rail, parking is free, heat and air conditioning included and I won’t have to worry about shoveling snow.

As a plus, Lowell has a thriving cultural scene (did you know Jack Kerouac was born in Lowell?) and I am moving into not just an apartment, but a community. The day I signed the lease, my neighbor across the hall invited Sadie and I (along for the ride) into her loft. I think making new friends is going to be a cinch.

And there is some entrepreneurial potential as well, as open studios happen once a month. The wall outside the apartment is mine to use as gallery space and–I’ve been hatching this plan for a year now–I will also have the opportunity to sell vintage clothing (which I’ve been busy amassing) alongside my art at open studios. Woohoo!

securedownload-1So that’s a bit more of the fun stuff. Of course, in prelude to moving in, I’ve been packing up. I have singlehandedly transported carload after carload of boxes to a storage unit. And I’ve lined up a small band of merry movers (again, a preemptive thank you!) and will rent a truck to haul the furniture and boxes come December 1. And then I’ll move the vintage stuff into the storage unit.

I’ve also been working on the health insurance piece; worst and best case scenario. It is of utmost importance to me that I keep the same providers.

So, that’s a bit of an update. Tomorrow I move from one household to another…stages in a journey.

A space similar to the one I'll be moving into....

A space similar to the one I’ll be moving into….

11 responses to “Some self reflection and personal transparency

  1. Best of luck to you Linnea – no watching from the sidelines for you- yours is a persistent and forward moving nature. I just need to say, “you go, girl!”

  2. You have my love and prayers! Once settled, your life with feel much lighter and possibilities greater.

  3. Hey Miss- I like the living space. A loft is what I will choose when I do decide to move. Hope you are doing well. Thinking about you,

  4. Dear Linnea – I think about you a lot and mull over the effects of cancer on both the patient and the people that love them. I have been approached to take part in a study by Princess Margaret Hospital here in Toronto on how caregivers cope. I have completed the questionnaire and now await my interview/s. I think I have some logical insight and suggestions. Although I am not a part of your life I do think that I have been part of your journey. If you have any thoughts that you think I should be aware of please PM me. In the meantime I am sending love to you and your family

  5. Beryl, you will be perfect for this. And I am sorry for the delayed response–I will have some time tomorrow and will PM you. May be too late for this project but I’ll PM you anyway 🙂

    love, L

  6. thank you for your blog and inspiration…we are new to stage four cancer, my husband Keith, and research is overwhelming most days. Today, inspirational. Thank you…

  7. Oh dear sweet Linnea. I am so very sorry. I have not been on the blogs for a bit due to my husband’s recent passing and stopped by to catch up on you. I cannot begin to imagine the enormity of this added to your fight for life. I lift you up to The One Who knows all needs and pray for even more strength for you.

  8. Pingback: 60 Top Cancer Blogs for Advice, Support and Inspiration | Del Immune V

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