Weathering

A gale has been battering me, from the inside out; there are moments when I have felt unmoored.

At the time of my last post, I was hopeful that the tide was turning. However, by the following morning, the nausea suddenly seemed inconsequential, as my peripheral neuropathy became more persuasive. Dr. Shaw checked in last night and I expressed my concern; her feeling was that by today (day four) it should begin to abate. When I awakened this morning, it was clear that my symptoms had intensified. My face had begun to lose sensation; by lunch time swallowing seemed to present a challenge.

Because of the steroids, I have been unable to really sleep. Two ambien buys me three hours on the top end, followed by another hour or two patched together. I am exhausted but wired and almost preternaturally aware. I cannot stop trembling. My vision has been effected as well, and I stumble when I walk. Warned that a crushing fatigue will likely follow withdrawal of the steroids, I almost welcome it. To sleep and not to think seems like the best way to weather this storm.

41 responses to “Weathering

  1. Hi love. I am praying that the symptoms with end quickly. Your Christmas present should be to stay in bed and let your wonderful family shower you with love love and love. You are such a beautiful women. I cannot wait yo the day we meet face to face. Merry Christmas. Love, Sean

    Sent from my iPhone

  2. I so understand the need to sleep until this passes. Sending love and prayers.

  3. I am hoping hoping hoping that you feel better very very soon. I can’t even believe all that you have been through. And you still look great. You are amazing.

  4. Totally agree with Sean…bless your heart. Prayers remain lady. God bless. Grace and Peace.
    Love Donna

  5. Thank you for sharing even in the midst of feeling so ill. Praying that you will get some much-needed rest and that the neuropathy and other awful problems will go away – you deserve a peaceful, restful, pain-free Christmas (and every other day!). You continue to be an inspiration to all of us.
    Beth

  6. SOOooooo sorry you’re having to go throught this, but praying it passes soon! And yes, you continue to be an inspiration to us all! Blessings!
    carol ann

  7. Wishing you well as you’re are fighting this storm – hang on with all your might and may tomorrow find that the tide is turning and your relief is just around the corner. Your courage in dealing with your troubles inspires us all. God bless you.

    • Roni, sometimes I just put on a good face (meaning, courage does fail me and grace as well at times. Remember, I have an edit button).

      Linnea

  8. Hello dear friend. I’m sorry you’re in a rough patch. Wish I could hold your hand. Maybe we can try that “phone meditation” after all? Do you have flannel sheets to keep you cozy?

  9. LInnea, my heart hurts with knowing how difficult those rough days are to weather. Hang in there as best as you can my dear friend; you are in my thoughts daily. I wish you relief from the neuropathy & some good solid sleep to give you strength. love you

  10. Linnea, I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time, day 3-4 were my worst as well, and not being able to sleep must make it even more intolerable. I really feel your pain. On my protocol, I always scaled down the steroids quite soon (day 2) after the treatment, maybe making the nausea a bit more present, but at least offering the revealing sleep. I hope you are bedded in by now, finally experiencing that dreamless rest.
    Love, strong and strengthening hugs,
    Anja

    • Anja–we are overdue for our Skype date. I took a break from it all—just found I couldn’t manage for a bit, but I’m back in the saddle. Good strong hugs to you and we will talk soon.

      love, Linnea

  11. Linnea, thinking about you from France. Sending all my love and prayers.
    Babette

  12. will pray especially hard for peace and sleep for you, Linnea.

  13. Linnea,
    I am so sorry to hear about these newer struggles. You’ve made it past many terrible moments, this one will also pass.
    I can empathize with you related to the temporary vision issues and neuropathies. If you ever want to discuss this stuff, I’ll be available.
    Much love and hope,
    Cheryl

  14. Linnea, my heart and prayers go out to you! I am so very sad you are experiencing this! Love you so much!
    Carolyn

  15. Hello dear friend – so sorry to hear new details of your gale. In my own experience, I also found peripheral neuropathy much scarier than nausea! Hopefully it is now abating as Dr. Shaw predicted… Do you & Dr. Shaw know which drug is causing it (I was guessing the platinum agent but I wasn’t sure)? Hang in there, you’re in my daily thoughts… DK37

    • DK—we’ve already connected, but thanks again for those thoughts—your own neuropathy experience must have been terrifying. And you know I’m thinking of you…(new movie to suggest—go see Life of Pi–on the big screen).

      Linnea

  16. I hope your symptoms have abated Linnea and you can enjoy some sleep. A big hug from Canada. Merry Christmas to you all.

  17. Linnea, I am hoping that you obtain some relief very soon. Perhaps a roving Christmas spirit can infuse you with healing. Sending more love than bandwidth can hold.
    Joan

    • Ah Joan–there’s been some static on my end, but I’m thinking your love got through. Telepathing some your way right now…

      Linnea

  18. Sorry for the storm attacking you with this treatment, hopefully it will blow itself out soon. These side effects add insult to the injury that is cancer. You have given me such hope with your posts, Linnea, to be here looking so strong and alive after such a long battle. Stand strong, dear lady, you are not alone in this war. Merry Christmas, Hedy

    • Hedy, I was down for a bit, but I’m getting that warrior spirit back on. May 2013 bring luck and stamina (maybe just as important) to both our families….Happy New Year.

      Linnea

  19. Dear Linnea,
    Praying for you.
    love,
    Dana

  20. Dear Linnea,

    Praying and hoping you will be able to get some sleep. You are an amazing woman. Take care.
    Joan

  21. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and comments (and for the emails and messages I received as well). It means so very much to me…

    love, Linnea

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