A gale has been battering me, from the inside out; there are moments when I have felt unmoored.
At the time of my last post, I was hopeful that the tide was turning. However, by the following morning, the nausea suddenly seemed inconsequential, as my peripheral neuropathy became more persuasive. Dr. Shaw checked in last night and I expressed my concern; her feeling was that by today (day four) it should begin to abate. When I awakened this morning, it was clear that my symptoms had intensified. My face had begun to lose sensation; by lunch time swallowing seemed to present a challenge.
Because of the steroids, I have been unable to really sleep. Two ambien buys me three hours on the top end, followed by another hour or two patched together. I am exhausted but wired and almost preternaturally aware. I cannot stop trembling. My vision has been effected as well, and I stumble when I walk. Warned that a crushing fatigue will likely follow withdrawal of the steroids, I almost welcome it. To sleep and not to think seems like the best way to weather this storm.
life and breath: outliving lung cancer 