Having a moment (fragile)

This morning I took a seat in the sun room with my cup of coffee. A  favorite CD by Sufjan Stevens was playing and the Christmas tree was glittering in front of me. Buddy sat at my feet and David was laying a fire in the next room. Suddenly I was overcome by emotion.

David walked in the room, saw my tears, and hugged me. “I just want to stay”, I said. He hugged me harder and responded “we want you to stay”.

I just really like being here. And as I was contemplating the Christmas tree, it occurred to me what a metaphor for life it is. Take a tree, a living thing, beautiful in its own right, but made even more glorious with each carefully hung ornament. Each of those ornaments represents  a moment, some accidental, some particularly sentimental.

There is the victorian birdcage that belonged to my grandmother. The clothespin doll I made when I was a child. August’s little wool sheep. Jemesii and Peter’s delicately handcrafted snowballs and icy little planets; each adorned with miniature figures. And the occasional bulb found at a thrift store; someone else’s Christmas memories.

Some of the glass balls are so very delicate, and every year as we are decorating one or two are fumbled and broken (usually by me). Should it be a particular favorite, we might be sad, but never for long. There will be others. The entire process requires a fair amount of concerted effort for something which is in existence for such a brief time, yet we would never forego it.

And then, in a moment, Christmas has passed, the needles are dropping, and it is time to retrieve each ornament and return it to its bed of tissue paper. Stripped of decoration, the tree will be dragged to the brush out back, where it will become a temporary perch for small birds and animals.

The ornaments, however, will be unwrapped yet again and carefully hung on other Christmas trees for years to come. Eventually, those that are not lost or broken, will be handed down to our children. Just like our memories.

14 responses to “Having a moment (fragile)

  1. Dearest Linnea,

    If I could, I would give you the biggest hug! I want you to stay.

    I wish I could say more, but I’m having a moment!

    Love to you!


  2. Tracy, you are so very special. A big hug right back at you for your moment.
    Love, Linnea

  3. Me too. Want you to stay. Want me to stay. Having a moment.
    (6 cm lump of coal in my stocking, confirmed. New met in liver.)

    • Shit Stephanie. You gotta stay too–we’re just getting to know each other (thanks for the wonderful/whimsical Marfa link). Would that you could trade the met for a little more actual coal (is it a 6 cm met?), because at least that you could burn to stay warm. There’s always something, isn’t there. Please keep me posted…Love, Linnea

      • yeah, another met. First was in the liver sept 09 – just 11 mm. Been on Tarceva since and stable or better in liver and lungs, till this. Went 6 months with no scan, so when did it appear? I was hoping it was a lump of dulces de leche.

  4. Stephanie, I’m so sorry. I remember hoping my original neoplasm was a hairball; dulces de leche is far more prosaic. So what’s the next plan of attack?

    • I also maintained my original lung nodule was a hairball – September 08!
      I can wait and see, start a second round of platinum chemo cocktails, or look for a trial. Not doing much till 2011. Eat, drink, and be merry?

      • Well, be as merry as able. Chemo…blech…but do what you have to. My photo on the header (sans hair) is me post platinum. I have in some diamond posts–I like to joke that I was wearing my diamonds with my platinum. I admire your ability to yet have some levity. Cheers and best wishes, my friend. Linnea

  5. I wish you both a wonderful Christmas ~ your tree story touched me !


  6. We want you here. Too. Always!
    More later, on email.
    Lots of hugs, the long and hard ones.
    From Anja, Otto on my lap, and Ingo entering the door.

  7. Happy Christmas, Linnea. Let´s all stay as long as we can.
    Thank you for sharing your Christmas tree as we don´t have one this year.
    Warm Xmas wishes, hugs and squeezes from Bali.

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